bird, panties, geranium, scissorsWrite about the death of a hero
We Have A Winner!!! 01/20/10
Captain Underpants had a super-hero grandmother nobody knows about. She didn't realize her powers until late in life, hence her super-name, Granny Panties.Winner: Ryan Ashley Scott (@ryanashleyscott)
Her arch nemesis wore a bird costume and decorated himself with geraniums like a parade float. He was kind of a big kid. She would have seen him speeding down the street if that darn boy scout hadn't hit her up for "helping an old person cross the road" badge.
Rest in peace, Granny Panties.
Reason: I don't even care that she left out 'scissors'. Granny Panties is funny!
5 comments:
Captain Underpants had a super-hero grandmother nobody knows about. She didn't realize her powers until late in life, hence her super-name, Granny Panties.
Her arch nemesis wore a bird costume and decorated himself with geraniums like a parade float. He was kind of a big kid. She would have seen him speeding down the street if that darn boy scout hadn't hit her up for "helping an old person cross the road" badge.
Rest in peace, Granny Panties.
NEWSFLASH: Superman Bites the Dust
In a freak accident while flying off to save the world again, Superman's long life was finally done in. The polic report stated there was no Kryptonite involved. It went on to say that while being distracted by his GPS unit (which has made getting to all those places sooo much easier). Superman flew into the back yard of Mrs. Harriet Higgenbottom of this city. Mrs. Higgenbottom happened to be in her yard hanging her laundry. Just as she hung the last of her panties, she looked up and saw what she thought was a bird flying straight at her. She grabbed her pruning scissors and prepared to defend herself from the maurader. At the last minute Superman saw the glint of the scissor in the sun, made a sharp left and flew directly into the clothesline. The line broke free and started to wrap tightly around his neck and his momentum pushed him directly into Mrs. H's prize geraniums, where he finally came to rest atop the blooms being readied for competion. The line was wound around his neck more than 15 times, and Mrs. H's panties were draped all around him. One pair in particular had landed on his face blocking his nose and mouth from air. It happened so quickly Superman had no time to react. He expired at 2:48 p.m. CST Mrs. Higgenbottom was understandably distressed, stating, "Well, I'm sorry he died and all, but he ruined my geraniums that I've been raising for 20 years and I might have killed him myself for doing that! And besides, now I have to do the laundry all over again. He should have kept his eyes on the ...uuhh...sky and not on the map!!
Funeral details to be released at a later time. Those wishing to do so, may make a donation to the Metropolis Geranium and Marigold Society.
bird, panties, geranium, scissors
Mr. & Mrs. Gremlisch lived on a quiet suburban cul-de-sac outside of Savannah, GA. Since both retiring, Mrs. Gremlisch had taken up gardening while Mr. Grenlisch found he had a knack for animal-shaped topiary. They'd head out to the yard after breakfast. She'd prune and weed while he would ever so carefully trim his topiaries to keep them in sharp shape.
One morning, Mr. G noticed some drooping branches on his juggling poodle topiary and went over to investigate. When he peered through the gap in the branches he saw a large blue bird holding a piece of gardening twine Mr. G used to train the topiary's branches. Upon further inspection, Mr. G noticed that the bird had systematically stole ALL of the twine from the poodle.
In a mad rush, Mr. G threw himself towards the poodle, making a grab for the bird. The bird took off like a shot and Mr. G gave chase. With his eyes glued on the sky, he took off marching angrily in the direction the bird had flown. Despite Mrs. G's warnings ("Harold? Harold, watch out de..."), he walked straight into the clothesline where his drawers and Mrs. G's panties were drying ("Oh dear!"), right over the new apple-scented geraniums she'd planted, and tripped right in front of her, OOOMPH! ("Oh mercy!"),just barely missing her sharp-tipped gardening scissors in her basket.
He turned his head and looked up towards her. In the distance he could see the bird bouncing mockingly on a branch behind her, the twine still in its beak.
"You're an idiot," Mrs. G declared, and headed back into the house for her 10 a.m. mimosa.
No one but his wife knew under his yellow tights, The Amazing Bird Man wore women’s panties. It was bad enough the other macho heroes made fun of him, because he spent all his free time planting geraniums and tending roses. But if they found this out…oh, boy. They were at church, attending another funeral for a slain member of The Falcon Squad, when she spied a frayed length of thread unraveling from his red cape. She pulled a pair of small scissors from the sewing kit she kept in her purse and snipped it off. He flashed a grateful smile, and that’s when, to her horror, she noticed the blue eye-shadow he was wearing.
bird, panties, geranium, scissors
The Human Scissors cut taxes and crime
(And ugly geraniums, and bird wings one time.)
When her sharp scissor legs
Cut her panties to shreds,
She died of embarrassment--still in her prime.
Post a Comment
Answers below, please!