February 1st

Take Two: Given a second chance, how would this be different? Rewrite the ending to a book, movie, scene, fable, quote, etc.

Take a moment to consider the goals you set for 2010. Think of the progress you have made as well as the things you haven't started yet.

Tomorrow is February 1st but let's pretend it's a "take two" of January 1st instead. What would you do differently?

Cue idea submitted by Autumn (@autumn_in_jeans)

We Have A Winner! 02/09/10

I think I would have prepared better for the arrival of the 1st. I had vacation at the end of December but didn't make any huge progress towards setting myself up to really get things started on 1/1. Still, it's taken til 2/1 for me to know what to expect this year so maybe it was ok that January was just about trying to find a routine in which I could somehow get to all the things I need and want to do.

Winner:TMC @ Return to Rural (@returntorural)
Reason: That seems to be the key for most of us wanting a "take two". Better preparation.

Late Night

A Thousand Words: Photo day!



They've had plenty to say about each other. Now it's your turn to put words in their mouths.

Source: SFGate.com

We Have A Winner! 02/09/10

Conan: "Can you believe the SIZE of his chin??"

Jay: "Can you believe the SIZE of his forehead?"

Winner: SheShe
Reason: Everyone's probably thinking it...

Gaming Husband

So I Have This Friend: Give your best advice to this friend.

So I have this friend... Her husband works long hours and insists on "unwinding" when he comes home by playing video games until bedtime. When she calls him to the table for dinner, he gulps down his food so he can return to "relaxing after a stressful day". As a result, she feels their relationship is suffering. How can she get his attention?

We Have a Winner!!! 02/09/10

The wife should dress up as his favorite gaming system and suggest "unwinding" with her.

Winner: Isabella
Reason: Dirty!!!

Debt Collector

Letters: Given either a first line or a set-up, write a letter appropriate to the situation.

Dear (you),
You borrowed $500 from me a year ago and promised to pay it back by the first of January. I haven't seen or heard from you since then. I may be old and hard of hearing but my memory is just fine. Where's my money?

-Aunt Edna

Respond to Aunt Edna with a note of your own.

We Have A Winner!!! 02/09/10

You were serious about wanting it back?! I went on a cruise and stocked up on beer. I mean, when was I ever going to be able to do either of those things, being out of work and all..

Winner: Pamela
Reason: I know a lot of people who operate that way.

Trunk

Now What?: Write what comes next.

"I found this in the trunk of your car. How could you?"

What was in the trunk of your car that caused so much drama?

We Have A Winner!!! 02/03/10

Mom asked me holding up the bag of jeans I'd cut into all shapes and sizes. "I thought your scissors phase was done with your teen years!! These are good pants, Autumn! You can't afford to go around cutting up your jeans!" I tried not to smile because she was really working herself into a tizzy over nothing and didn't realize it.
"If they don't fit you, you could have giving them away. Or sold them at least!"

Finally I couldn't help it anymore and I burst out laughing. "Mom, mom, I love you, but you've got this wrong" I said trying to calm myself down enough to explain. "These are the jeans that no longer fit the kids or me and were way too worn out to give away. I'm using them for quilting and crafting and a few other things." I told her softening my smile a bit. "These aren't the jeans I was telling you about on the phone, these were basically trash to begin with."

I reached into the trunk and pulled out a second bag. "These are the jeans that are in good condition. I was wondering if you would want them."

Winner: Autumn (@autumn_in_jeans)
Reason: Nothing like a good scolding from mom - especially when you can tell her she's wrong!

First Day of School

Checklist: A list of words will be accompanied by a scenario in which to use them.

candle, Connecticut, juicy, chair, plaid

Write about the first day of school

We Have A Winner!!! 02/03/10

It was a beautiful fall day. At least it would be if it was Connecticut and not Arizona. For September 4th it was hot. 104 degrees and it was only 8:00 in the morning.
Emily was ready fro her first day of school her plaid uniform skirt and crisp white pressed blouse looked darling on her 5 year old frame. I was packing her snack a ripe juicy pear I wrapped it in a white soft napkin to keep it from bruising and put it in her new pink lunch box. She stood bouncing by the front door waiting for me.

I walked her to the corner with the other moms and girls, all dressed alike. The little girl had all grown up together many had gone to the St. Augustus’ preschool together. Today they all started Kindergarten together. We stood waiting for the bus we would then drive to school and meet them there.

The girls all bounced with excitement Kindergarten was a such a big deal for them. They were so exited to go. The school bus pulled up as I remember it, a brand new bus. The girls got on the bus and waved to us once the were in their seats. The bus driver shut the door. And the girl started to bounce in their seats and face forward. Emily gave me a big smile and waved one more time.

We watched the bus pulled away and then quickly followed Jeanine to her mini-van like the bus it was brand new. Jeanine started the mini-van and went the opposite way It was faster and a straighter shot to take the highway. We got to St. Augustus’ in about 15 minutes the bus would take another 15 or so minutes.

We went to the classroom where other mothers and a few children were waiting. Miss Penfold greeted each of us and made small talk. I remember the first time that she checked her watch. I thought nothing of it. The second time made me wonder if this was the worst day of school for her She asked us to find our child’ chair where she had written their names on a card in such precise way that each child should know how to properly write their name. She talked a little about the day at which point I noticed other parents checking their watches I checked mine it was 8:50. I looked a Jeanine she looked at me in a quizzical manner. Then as I looked at her face fell seeing something behind me. I turned to see the Principal, Sister Alice, standing in the door tears streaming down her face.

To this day I don’t remember what she said I just know the chaos of crying and the police van smelling of vomit taking us to the hospital.

That was six years ago. Jake was born 7 months later. Today he is in Connecticut with his father getting ready for his first day of school. I am sorry to miss it but I needed to be here in Arizona with Jeanine and the others lighting a candle at St. Augustus’ for each of the children that died on the bus when it was hit six years ago today. I take the card that Miss Penfold had written Emily on all those years ago and place it by her candle.

Winner: Vicki
Reason: Such a sad story. Not at all what anyone would expect on the first day of school.

Taco Tossing

In the News: This category features news-related prompts.

Man gets day in jail for throwing taco at manager

Write the brief article that accompanies this headline.

Source

We Have a Winner!!!

Jeans-o-rama security incident report

McDonald and Wilson reported to the 4th floor of the right wing of the Hooverson Building in response to numerous calls reporting an incident between an employee and management.

Upon arrive, the officers witnessed the employee, a Mr. Chauncey, calmly eating his lunch at his desk while the manager stood nearby, his face and suit covered in ground beef and lettuce.

"What happened here?" asked Wilson.

"HE THREW HIS TACO AT ME!" the manager bellowed.

"Is this true, sir?" McDonald asked of the calm employee. It took him a minute to finish chewing his mouthful but finally responded

"I clearly put up on On Lunch notice sign, just as management requires. Mr. Carter came over here to ask me a question and disregarded my sign. I politely indicated that I was on lunch and I would come to his office as soon as I was done. Mr. Carter WOULD NOT stop talking. He didn't listen to me at all despite his staring at my lunch the whole time. So I picked up one of my tacos, and threw it at him, to get his attention."

Officer Wilson asked Mr. Carter if he'd like Chauncey removed from the premise. He looked down at his stained suit thoughtfully and said "No, no. I still need his help."

Winner: TMC @ Return to Rural (@returntorural)
Reason: Why do I have a feeling Mr. Chauncey may be an IT tech? They're prone to eating things like tacos and always interrupted during lunch.

$20 Amazon.com Gift Certificate Giveaway!

That's right, time for my first giveaway. Here's how it's going to work. You earn an entry for the following:

1. Follow this blog
2. Post about this blog (leave the link in your comment)
3. Post one of the buttons on your sidebar (leave the link in your comment)
4. Tweet to win (you can use this handy link if you like)

Leave one comment for each of the activities above for up to 4 total entries. You will receive an additional entry for anyone who comments on this post and says that you sent them.

The Prize: I'll email you a $20 Amazon.com Gift Certificate. Or, if you're in Canada/UK/etc, a US $20 equivalent to their Amazon site.

Deadline: The winner will be named next Monday, February 1st, using random.org. If the winner does not claim the prize by Wednesday, February 3rd, I'll draw a new winner.

Fine print: There isn't really any fine print. If random.org chooses an entry I can't verify, I'll draw another winner. Nobody is sponsoring this, unless you count my husband but you can't really count him because he doesn't know. I'm not being compensated in any way. I cannot be bribed with chocolate (in this particular situation).

Broken Egg

Take Two: Given a second chance, how would this be different? Rewrite the ending to a book, movie, scene, fable, quote, etc.

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall...

Rewrite the nursery rhyme with a new ending.

We Have A Winner!!! 02/01/10

Humpty Dumpty had sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had had a great fall
His friends all laughed and pointed with glee
It's seems ol' Humpty was a jerk, you see

He was always a show off and better than all
Which is exactly what prompted his climb up the wall
Doing a dance and showing his ass
He really did think he was top of the class

But kharma's a bitch and just a bit fickle
It's seems our friend Humpty found himself in a pickle
He teetered and tottered and and bobbled and fell
And he became breakfast for the Farmer in the Dell

Winner: Rabbit (@redheaddancing)
Reason: In other words, pride goeth before a fall?

Jump

A Thousand Words: Photo day!



Why are they jumping?

Source: sxc.hu

We Have A Winner!!! 02/01/10

Four words:

Crazed killer sand crabs.

Winner: Marc
Reason: It's not that they're sand crabs. It's that they're crazed killer sand crabs!

Internet Dating

So I Have This Friend: Give your best advice to this friend.

So I have this friend... She's been chatting with this guy she met online and they get along really well. They've even talked on the phone. He'd like to meet in person for a drink. The issue? She may have fibbed just a bit about her appearance. Like a decade of years and a couple dozen pounds. What should she do?

We Have A Winner!!! 01/29/10

Call ahead, and say, "I'll be late.
So have a few drinks while you wait!"
A strong shot (or ten)
Before you walk in
Will ensure, in his eyes, you look great.

Winner: C. Beth (@cbethblog)
Reason: It just might work...

Messages

Letters: Given either a first line or a set-up, write a letter appropriate to the situation.

Write an email to a friend explaining why you haven't been returning his messages.

We Have A Winner!!! 01/29/10

Joe,

I've tried to be nice and let you down easily. I've told you that I am in a committed relationshhip. I don't want to hurt your feelings but I have turned you down for every date you've asked me on. I have turned you down for dinner, a movie, ice skating, a baseball game, visiting your mother, overnight camping, Irish Dancing, bowling, hanging out, and a trip to Paris!!

Don't you get it? There is no future for us. Ever! None!! So please, I'm begging, please stop calling me, stop emailing me, stop trying to get me on Twitter (whatever that is), stop serenading me in the middle of the night, stop sending me letters, and above all, stop calling the Police, telling them I am being held captive!!! I have not been kidnapped. Where I live is my own choice. I am happy. My life and my future are none of your concern.

Besides, your actions are seriously annoying all the other Sisters and Mother Superior is definitely getting snarky.

This is my last message!! LEAVE ME ALONE!

Yours in Christ,

Sister Luminaria

Winner: Mellodee
Reason: It may be irreverent but nuns always crack me up.

Chicken

Now What?: Write what comes next.

The chicken crosses the road...

...you know what to do.

We Have A Winner Two Winners!!! 01/29/10

...early every morning, to visit the handsome duck on the other side. She prays that no one questions her motives.

Winner: Cindy (@GeminiWilder)
Reason: C'mon, that's pretty funny.

He looks at his wife
and says "I figured it out!
Just cross when it's GREEN."

Winner: Inspired Dreamer
Reason: Brilliance, in haiku form. And really, don't you think the chicken would figure it out eventually? Before long, they'll be on the endangered species list if they don't.

Roadtrip

Checklist: A list of words will be accompanied by a scenario in which to use them.

cowboy, red, Friday, Wichita

Write about a roadtrip

We Have A Winner!!! 01/29/10

I hadn't been out to a bar on a Friday night in a long time - not since my college days in Witchita. I scanned the room and quickly found what I was looking for. I knew it was him from his description, "I'll be the one in the cowboy hat at the end of the bar." I felt my pulse quicken and my cheeks flush as I approached. All I could muster was a lame attempt at "hey," all the while silently cursing myself for wearing a red turtleneck. I was certain I looked like an awkward tomato.

Our conversation stayed pretty superficial. Under normal circumstances I would have been completely uninterested, but not with this man. We had already established our relationship, even if we had never met in person.

"So, where to next?" He asked with a half smile.

"Well, I've a got a car. Do you have the time?" I was finally finding my confidence again.

He stood up and offered his hand, "I don't know. Should I be traveling with strangers?" he teased.

And so began the road trip I would never forget.

Winner: Isabella
Reason: So very dangerous...

I Have a Dream

In the News: This category features news-related prompts.

"I have a dream..."

January 18th is "Martin Luther King, Jr. Day. When he delivered his famous "I Have A Dream" speech in 1963, he was addressing equality for all people. Now, in 2010, what kind of "dream" do we need to rally behind?

Source

We Have A Winner!! 01/25/10

There is a common misinterpretation that Martin Luther King's speech lobbied for equal rights for all. In reality, all but the first "I have a dream" stanza, and the build up to those beautiful passages, specifically sites brotherhood and equality between whites and blacks/ Negros. What should we rally behind then? The essence of his speech. The underlying prose of equality. As long as a group of people are systematically devalued by a characteristic such as race, gender, age, religion, sexual preference, etc, his speech is very much relevant. And humanity will have something to rally behind.

Winner: Heather
Reason: Great responses on this but the win goes to Heather for pointing out the common misconception (including my own) about his speech and for applying it more widely.

Wish Upon a Star

Take Two: Given a second chance, how would this be different? Rewrite the ending to a book, movie, scene, fable, quote, etc.

When you wish upon a star...

Go for it!

We Have a Winner! 01/25/10

When you wish upon a star, do not be surprised to receive a restraining order for stalking!

Winner: Bethany (@Auburnrose)
Reason: Very good point. And I can say it's true (my apologies to Simon Baker).

Crying

A Thousand Words: Photo day!



Why is he crying?

Source: sxc.hu

We Have A Winner! 01/25/10

He just saw a glimpse of his future where he will lose many more arguments with women.

Winner: SOL
Reason: So many great answers this week! I especially like that as he's wailing away, the little girl is completely oblivious. She truly couldn't care less because, hey, popsicle!

Hostess

So I Have This Friend: Give your best advice to this friend.

So I have this friend... Her neighbor keeps inviting them over for dinner but she's a horrible cook. It's not just that the food isn't tasty but she's also been served undercooked chicken and moldy bread. She's tried to politely turn down the invitations or invite the neighbors to her house but they insist that they live to host. What should she do?

We Have A Winner!!! 01/25/10

1. Accept the next invitation.
2. Bring her purse.
3. Hide at least three cans of soup in said purse.
4. After every course, she should excuse herself to use the washroom, bringing said purse and said cans of soup with her.
5. Dump one can of soup into the toilet each trip to the bathroom. Accompanying this with loud retching sounds optional.
6. When asked if she's feeling okay, insist that she's fine and really enjoying the meal.
7. Repeat steps 4 through 6 until host sends her home.

If she ever gets another invite after that, there truly is no hope. She'll just have to pretend that she's gone both deaf and blind every time she sees them.

Winner: Marc
Reason: Very creative handling of the situation. I feel a bit bad over the wasting of soup though so maybe you could make sure it's something gross like split pea.

Recommendation

Letters: Given either a first line or a set-up, write a letter appropriate to the situation.

A colleague you greatly dislike (both on a personal and professional level) pressures you into writing them a letter of recommendation for a job you know they aren't qualified for.

Write the letter.

We Have A Winner!!!

To Whom It May Concern:

I would like to recommend Sally for the position of Executive Assistant.

First and foremost, let me say how generous it is that you are considering her for this position. We haven't allowed her near any staplers since the lunch stealing incident of 2009 (don't worry, Bob is expected to make a full recovery within the next month or so). It's a shame she remembered she left her lunch at home only after the attack. Well, as they say - c'est la vie!
{You may want to stock up on paper clips, just in case}

Sally has displayed nothing but dedication and commitment to her job since she started. Even in the midst of a serious shingles episode, she still made it into work. Bless her heart!

Please feel free to contact me at any time with any further inquiries. However, if you would like to meet in person I have to be assured Sally is not within 300 yards (per the restraining order I have against her).

Regards,

Jane Doe

Winner: Isabella
Reason: This seemed to strike the nice balance or warning without saying anything negative that could lead to a lawsuit. Plus, she used "bless her heart" in just the right way.

Smashing Wedding Cake

Now What?: Write what comes next.

A server trips and falls, smashing the wedding cake into the dance floor in front of the entire crowd.

What does the server do next?

We Have a Winner! 01/20/10

Think, think, think, he told himself. His noses filled with the fragrance of butter cream as he lay on the floor running ideas for damage control through his head.

Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit. He could hear the bridal party's voices begin to rumble angrily. He struggled to right himself on the now cake-covered dance floor when he detected the scent of almonds and it hit him... allergy!

He threw himself back down in the sticky mess with determination and began clutching at his throat and kicking. "I'm allergic to nuts! I'm allergic to nuts!" The wedding guests started to form a circle around the flailing server when the bride's father pushed his way through the crowd and looked sternly at the purplish-blue boy on the ground...

"My daughter is allergic to nuts. There are NO nuts in the cake."

Busted.

Winner: TMC @ Return to Rural (@returntorural)
Reason: I found myself cheering for our conniving server but I always like a story where the bad guy is caught in the end.

Superhero

Checklist: A list of words will be accompanied by a scenario in which to use them.

bird, panties, geranium, scissors

Write about the death of a hero

We Have A Winner!!! 01/20/10

Captain Underpants had a super-hero grandmother nobody knows about. She didn't realize her powers until late in life, hence her super-name, Granny Panties.

Her arch nemesis wore a bird costume and decorated himself with geraniums like a parade float. He was kind of a big kid. She would have seen him speeding down the street if that darn boy scout hadn't hit her up for "helping an old person cross the road" badge.

Rest in peace, Granny Panties.

Winner: Ryan Ashley Scott (@ryanashleyscott)
Reason: I don't even care that she left out 'scissors'. Granny Panties is funny!

Bank Funnies

In the News: This category features news-related prompts.

Wis. man's bank quip earns him Champion Liar title

What is his bank-related quip?

Source

Winner? 01/20/10

I'm not naming a winner until there are at least 5 responses. Once two weeks go by with no winner, this cue will be open for responses but not considered for the daily award.

NOW We Have A Winner 01/21/10

"I'm telling ya honey, this bank manager really cares about us - it's not just about the money with this guy!"

Winner: Marc
Reason: Because it was funny. And also because he responded after I threw a hissy fit about not having 5 responses. Also, his blog is cool so check it out if you're looking for more writing prompts.

Licks

Wildcard: This category can be absolutely anything. Absolutely. Anything.

How many licks does it take to get to the center of a (trademarked lollipop with chocolate inside)?

We Have A Winner!!! 01/17/10

I tried this one day, just for fun.
One hundred licks, and then done.
But can you guess
Who takes a lot less?
For Gene Simmons, it only takes one.

Winner: C. Beth (@cbethblog)
Reason: Beth wins for "Best Use of Tongue". Which sounds way dirtier than I mean.

Argument

A Thousand Words: Photo day!



What is this couple arguing about?

Source: sxc.hu

We Have A Winner! 01/17/10

"Jim, I will not get the Sarah Palin glasses"

"Will too"

"Will not"

"Will too"

"Will not"

Winner: D Gotlib (@dgotlib)
Reason: I wouldn't get the Sarah Palin glasses either.

Daddy Dearest

So I Have This Friend: Give your best advice to this friend.

So I have this friend... His wife has accused him of visiting "inappropriate" websites on their computer but he knows it was actually his father-in-law that did it based on the timing. His wife will never believe that her father did such a thing. How does he get himself out of hot water without causing an even bigger situation?

We Have A Winner! 01/17/10

Always, always, always- blame the children.

Winner: Sarah @ My Drunk Monkeys
Reason: This is why we need to have children.

Rejection

Letters: Given either a first line or a set-up, write a letter appropriate to the situation.

To (you),
We regret to inform you that we are unable publish your article at this time as we found it most inappropriate for our publication.

Finish this rejection letter.

We Have a Winner!!! 01/17/10

Your piece was original and thought provoking and quite frankly one of the best things I've ever read. However, if we were to publish it, then it would encourage other talented writers to bombard us with their stories.

You have to know someone in this business to get ahead and since you don't, then I'm afraid our little private club is off limits to you.

Don't you do your research? To be successful in this business, mediocre is the route to go. Why do all of you writers insist on being original?

I have many friends in the industry and if I were to let you and the other talented writers in the door, then my friends would be out of work and how do you think that would go over?

I have to think of my small little circle, so you can just take your original, thought provoking works and go the self publishing route.

And just between you and me - those are the best books and magazines. And if you market them well, you won't need to be in our private club.

Good luck and happy writing.

Winner: Mike Trippiedi
Reason: Some of the writing I see is so mediocre that this has to be true.

Roses and Violets

Now What?: Write what comes next.

"Roses are red, Violets are blue"

Finish the lovely verse.

We Have A Winner!!! 01/13/10

Roses are roses, violets are not.

"Roses are red, violets are blue",
Overused twaddle and clearly untrue.
Some roses are white, others are pink,
In Texas they're yellow, the worlds biggest, I think.

Violets are odd, with their own special hue,
Violets are violet and definitely not blue.

That sugar is sweet, I have to agree,
But that's where it ends, it seems to me.
The thinking is flawed, the analogy faulty:
Sugar is sweet but you are quite salty.

Winner: J Cosmo Newbery
Reason: I had never thought about it to that degree before but totally correct. And nicely rhymed!

Old Lady

Checklist: A list of words will be accompanied by a scenario in which to use them.

door, light, book, caramel, ragweed

Using the words above, what was the old lady across the street doing outside at 2am?

We Have A Winner!!! 01/13/10

The lady who lived
across the street
was watering her flowers
in her caramel colored robe;
She twirled slowly in the light
of the streetlamp
just outside my window.
I watched for a while, a smirk on my lips;
then I put down my book
and walked to the door -
and called out, "You're watering
the ragweed, you whore!"

Winner: Cindy (@GeminiWilder)
Reason: It seemed almost magical and endearing. Until the last line. :)

Shredder

In the News: This category features news-related prompts.

Times Square shredder offers good riddance to 2009: Scores of New Yorkers and tourists seeking a fresh start in 2010 came to Times Square on Monday to put their bad memories through the shredder at the third annual Good Riddance Day.

A few days late but what would you put through the shredder?

Source

We Have A Winner!!!

I would write down names:
Fear, Doubt, Rejection, Sorrow:
and shred them away.

Winner: Inspired Dreamer
Reason: Those are fantastic things to shred. I'd like to banish them for all of us.

Wizard of Oz

Take Two: Given a second chance, how would this be different? Rewrite the ending to a book, movie, scene, fable, quote, etc.

Write an alternate ending to The Wizard of Oz.

We Have a Winner!! 01/13/10

Dorothy stays in Oz and becomes the new Wizard and finds a fashion coordinator to get her out of that babyish gingham dress! Toto, the ugliest dog in both the fantasy and real worlds, goes back to Kansas with the former Wizard/Professor and annoys the old lady on the bicycle to death. The Prof goes back on the road selling snake oil and illusion. The scarecrow, lion, and tin man open a restaurant in Munchkinland and make a fortune. The flying monkeys and those big ugly soldiers wipe each other out in a battle of who gets the castle. Auntie Em and Uncle Henry struggle to survive without their farm hands, finally give up and sell their farm to a real estate developer and move to Hawaii! And they all live happily ever after.

Winner: Mellodee
Reason: An alternate plan for everyone!

Power Go-Kart

A Thousand Words: Photo day!



What's going on here?

Source: Duracell's Crowdsourced Power Generation in Times Square

We Have A Winner!!! 01/13/10

So I sat in this funky bike chair,
And then next--oh, it just isn't fair!--
I thought I'd be fond
Of this beautiful blonde,
But she's laughing at my awesome hair!

Winner: C. Beth (@cbethblog)
Reason: I've always felt Constantine needed a good shampoo.

Keys

So I Have This Friend: Give your best advice to this friend.

So I have this friend... She partied a little too hard last night on New Year's Eve and can't seem to remember where she left her keys. Any ideas?

We Have A Winner!! 01/08/10

Well, the only option I have found that worked on a regular basis was to party hard again.

This is factual, and based up on my experience of a pub that I could never find when I lived in Derby, unless I had been drinking. One evening, we went out, we went drinking, we went to said pub, and life was good. The next morning I discovered that I had left my leather jacket at this mysterious pub. I loved that jacket. I scoured the city for the pub. In the end, I went to the Dolphin, had 5 pints, left the Dolphin, found the pub, had another couple and rolled home, with my jacket!

It's not a plan that works for everyone......

Winner: s'me
Reason: It's hard to argue with factual evidence.