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The condensed directions: Read the cue, react to the cue. There's no right answer, no research required. I cite sources where applicable but it's all about coming up with creative answers. Winners are picked in a week.

The number one rule? Have FUN!!!

05/23 - I'll be naming final winners this week!

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Repo Man

Letters: Given either a first line or a set-up, write a letter appropriate to the situation.

The bank has sent a letter stating that they will be repossessing your motorcycle due to non-payment of the loan. However, you have never owned a motorcycle or done business with this bank. Write a letter to clear up the mistake.

We Have A Winner!!! 03/26/10
Dear Sirs,

After reviewing my records I see that you are correct that I have not made a single payment on the mentioned Motorcycle.

However, while reviewing those records I see that you have likewise not issued payment for the Circus Elephant, Wading pool and 3 tons of Jell-o recently purchased from me. Once those Items are returned or paid for I will happily turn over any and all motorcycles which I have purchased from your company.

Thank you in advance for your co operation
Winner: Jason (whom I have no way of contacting)
Reason: I rather like the idea of turning it right back on the bank and citing THEIR non-payment!

6 comments:

Jazzbumpa said...

Dear WaMuBank.

Well, we meet again. Our paths had not crossed since you allowed some unknown thief, who is far smarter than you, with 26 cents to deposit and an invalid email address, to open an account in MY name and over-draw it by $600.*

Looks like not much has changed.

Well since I do not have, and have never had a motorcycle, live hundreds of miles from your nearest office, and have never taken out a loan, nor, indeed, done any business of any kind with you - and in fact had never heard of you until my aforementioned victimization - I find the whole affair to be a bit puzzling.

So, by all means, feel free to repossess the non-existent motorcycle for non-payment of the non-existent loan.

But if you or your agents step onto my property, you will be trespassing and I'll have the cops on your ass in a microsecond. The police chief is a former owner of my house, so I think his minions will know how to find it

Cheers, morons!
Your non-customer.
Mr. JzB
________________________________
* The true story of my identity theft experience. What sort of idiots call themselves "WaMu," anyway?

Cheers!
JzB

davidseven said...

Dear Sirs,

With reference to your letter of 12th Instant, I feel it incumbent upon me to point out that:

1. You are all idiots;

That is all.

D7

P.S. You can't have the bike just yet, the invisible unicorn hasn't brought it back.

s'me said...

Dear Sirs,

With reference to your letter dated Apr110 I would like to thank you for letting me know that I apparently possess a motorcycle. As far as I was aware, I did not, and have never possessed such a vehicle.

However, as apparently I do, and you know and I don't, please forward me a copy of my licence to ride said machine, my road tax disc and any points accrued on the petrol towards my free dinner service. I am assuming you have all of these things, because I don't, but then you know about the bike, and I don't.

Thankyou in advance.

S'me

C. Beth said...

I'm sending you photos of me (a pair)
So look at them closely--yes, stare.
Do you think someone who
Has such a fabulous 'do
Would be caught dead with the wind in her hair?

Ronnica said...

Dear Bank,

Thank you for the trial offer of a motorcycle. I've always wanted to learn to go for a ride. Could you please deliver it 2 days before repossession? Will a helmet be included, or should I borrow one from a motorcycle-riding friend?

Thank you.

Jason said...

Dear Sirs,

After reviewing my records I see that you are correct that I have not made a single payment on the mentioned Motorcycle.

However, while reviewing those records I see that you have likewise not issued payment for the Circus Elephant, Wading pool and 3 tons of Jell-o recently purchased from me. Once those Items are returned or paid for I will happily turn over any and all motorcycles which I have purchased from your company.

Thank you in advance for your co operation.

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