Write a letter to your favorite famous person (musician, actor, politician, etc) convincing them that are NOT a stalker and that you had a legitimate reason for being outside their home at 2am with a camera.
We Have A Winner!!! 04/28/10
Dear Miss Bar Refaeli,Winner: Marc
So, uh, about last night. I can explain, alright? In fact, that's what I'm about to do! So read on, won't you?
I know this will be hard to believe, but it's true - lying is not something I do! Out of my bum is not where I'm talking - I really do suffer from sleep walking!
Oh, you want to know about the camera? I was asleep, how should I know... ha ha?
In closing, may I make a suggestion? You might want to clear up your garden's congestion. I did not appreciate having to do the Poison Ivy Dance - especially since I wasn't wearing pants.
Your not stalker,
Phast Tawker
Reason: I will admit I had to look her up but it was worth the search. And I have a soft spot for excuses that rhyme.
6 comments:
Dear Matthew McConaughey,
I swear, on the BIBLE, well, not really on the Bible 'cause in my case that might not mean very much, but on a first edition, signed print of A Time to Kill, that I am NOT a stalker.
I know you are a sensitive man. I recognize sensitivity in kindred souls, I mean people. I could SO see where souls sounds stalkerish, and that would NOT be me! Because of your sensitivity, I'm sure you must be deeply hurt by those who insist on bringing up your hygiene habits.
I saw a commercial for Axe body spray, and you immediately came to mind. I just HAD to buy it and immediately bring it to you.
I didn't think that it being 2:00 am would be an issue. I know you like to party! I apologize if your security upset you by notifying you that I had climbed the fence. I didn't want to bring it to the gate, give it to the guard, and have MORE people discussing your personal choices.
Just know that I believe in your right to not bathe or use deodorant - even the one I so lovingly, I mean, carefully, picked out for you.
Your fan, NOT stalker,
DJ
You may think I'm odd
But Professor Snape, you can
Give ME detention.
(I'm standing outside the house of Zoe Francois, one of the authors of Artisan Bread in Five Minutes a Day.)
Your recipes have changed my whole life
(As a baker, a mother, a wife!)
I come in peace!
Don't call the police
Just 'cuz I brought a bread knife!
Dear John,
I am so embarrassed by last night's situation!
My friend had mentioned that driving by the dark of the ocean with only the crashing waves for company might help me "think deeply" about my jerk of a boyfriend. (He dumped me earlier that day. I'm still devastated, of course.) After tossing and turning and a box of used kleenexes,I decided to take that drive and headed north.
I ended up in Malibu pretty well "thunk out". I wanted to see something besides the nothingness of the ocean at night. I turned off the ocean road and wound my way through the hills. The houses were beautiful! Stopping in front of yours was purely coincidence. I simply found the contrast between the deep wood of the privacy fence startling against the soft greens of the palm leaves nestled against it. (Did I mention I am an avid photographer?) I stopped to take a picture completely unaware of who lived in the house!
I swear, I figured whoever lived in the house was sound asleep and blissfully unaware of my presence! Being buried so deep in my own troubles I had completely forgotten it was awards night! Not that I expected you to show up in the first place. And I admit, asking you for your photo was probably in poor taste, not to mention incredibly stupid.
Anyway, I just wanted a chance to explain myself without causing you fear for your life.
NOT a Stalker,
Sylvia Stout
P.S. I included a copy of the picture I was trying to take. Sorry about the blur. I was a bit surprised by your presence.
Dear Miss Bar Refaeli,
So, uh, about last night. I can explain, alright? In fact, that's what I'm about to do! So read on, won't you?
I know this will be hard to believe, but it's true - lying is not something I do! Out of my bum is not where I'm talking - I really do suffer from sleep walking!
Oh, you want to know about the camera? I was asleep, how should I know... ha ha?
In closing, may I make a suggestion? You might want to clear up your garden's congestion. I did not appreciate having to do the Poison Ivy Dance - especially since I wasn't wearing pants.
Your not stalker,
Phast Tawker
Dear Ms Jolie,
It was a mistake. Please don't kill me.
D7
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