martini, chicken, cross, house, points, granolaGive some advice to newlyweds.
Winner Announcement! (12/08/09)
Wow, nice house you two have. Bet it set you guys back a few bucks. But what the hell, its only money. My ex-wife got our house, and I got the payments. I call it paying for your education.Winner: Tom
I don't claim to be a "know it all", but, I have been married three times, and would like to give you two a few words of advice, so you don't fall into the same traps I did.
First can I have another martini? By the way that chicken dip is fantastic, its espically good with the granola crackers. You don't have any cheese do you?
Antways, Mary, that is a pretty red dress you have on, and that sparkling cross really sets it off nicely. Did you buy that dress new? John, you always look so relaxed in a t-shirt and shorts, too bad you can't go to work that way.
Anyways, to the points I would like to give you two. One, never go to bed angry, two, keep your credit card spending to a minimum, and three, in your first few years of marriage limit the guests that you have. You guys need the alone time to get to know eachother. Believe me, I have been down this road, and know what"s infront of you. If you work at it, your marriage will make it. Burp!
Can I have another martini?
Method of Selection: I can just imagine Tom, after a few martinis, doing one of those video messages for the bride and groom.
3 comments:
Wow, nice house you two have. Bet it set you guys back a few bucks. But what the hell, its only money. My ex-wife got our house, and I got the payments. I call it paying for your education.
I don't claim to be a "know it all", but, I have been married three times, and would like to give you two a few words of advice, so you don't fall into the same traps I did.
First can I have another martini? By the way that chicken dip is fantastic, its espically good with the granola crackers. You don't have any cheese do you?
Antways, Mary, that is a pretty red dress you have on, and that sparkling cross really sets it off nicely. Did you buy that dress new? John, you always look so relaxed in a t-shirt and shorts, too bad you can't go to work that way.
Anyways, to the points I would like to give you two. One, never go to bed angry, two, keep your credit card spending to a minimum, and three, in your first few years of marriage limit the guests that you have. You guys need the alone time to get to know eachother. Believe me, I have been down this road, and know what"s infront of you. If you work at it, your marriage will make it. Burp!
Can I have another martini?
Cross martinis & chicken fried steak
With granola and cookies you bake
Earn points with your man--
Cook whenever you can
Then a happy house you will make
These martini's are great! The open bar is definitely the best part of this wedding! Besides seeing you two love birds get married, Becky...Becca....Betsy and Jim...John...James, That's It! Betsy and James! Congrats on getting a ring on her finger before a bun in her oven!! For a while I thought you were gay, but it turns out you were just chicken shit afraid of commitment! Guess everyone is wrong once in a while. So now I want to give you the sage advice of your dear Uncle Seamus. James, you are a man, even if you are a sissy man and not a manly kilt wearing man like the rest of our family. I know you will keep score, we all do. For some reason it is best to do this somewhere out of sight of the wifie and not in tally marks on the bed frame. You would think she would be proud of all of those points, but trust me, she gets a wee bit touchy and then you get stuck sleeping on the couch with some remnant of an army blanket for weeks. You see, you may make payments on the house, but you will never be master of that home. Accept it now. She will rapidly take over the home, with her decoratin' and her rules until suddenly you realize it is her house and you just live there. If you are lucky, she will give you one room in which you can still act like a man. Most likely you will get the basement. 'Tis married life my nephew. Never cross your wife's path when she is holding a sharp object and muttering to herself, and never be stupid enough to do anything and think you will not get caught. They have ways of knowing, ways we men are still trying to figure out after centuries of study. When she starts trying to feed you health food crap like granola and tofu, suck it up and deal like a man. This is her way of trying to say she cares about you, even though to you it says that she is punishing you for a horrific crime you would rather do time in solitary to repent for having committed. Never complain about her cooking or you may live to regret it. Most importantly, keep it Scottish and always let the breeze flow freely beneath your Kilt. Enough of this crap, there are free Martini's!
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