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The condensed directions: Read the cue, react to the cue. There's no right answer, no research required. I cite sources where applicable but it's all about coming up with creative answers. Winners are picked in a week.

The number one rule? Have FUN!!!

05/23 - I'll be naming final winners this week!

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Sick

Checklist: A list of words will be accompanied by a scenario in which to use them.
cowbell, floor, airplane, dictionary
Make up an excuse for calling in sick to work.

Winner time!!! (12/19/09)
I really hate to do this to you, but I can't make it into work today. You are never going to believe what happened.
So, last night Jeff and I are playing scrabble and he plays the word 'cowbell'. And that reminds me of the time my cousin Ollie chased me around the farm with a cowbell, trying to get me to run into some cow patties.
Then that reminded me of the time my other cousin Ernest tried to stuff me in the pig trough because I made fun of his lisp.
Then Jeff says I'm such a hillbilly and I say no and he says 'oh yeah?'
and I say 'yeah'
and he says 'if you look up the word hillbilly in the dictionary, there would be your family tree - all one branch of it'
and I say 'haha at least my family has character' and well the argument just continued until he got fed up with it and decided to airplane me.
You know, lift me up on his feet and fly me like an airplane?
But, he wasn't really paying attention and lost his grip. And that's when I went flying facefirst into the floor. I would've hit the floor and probably knocked myself out had it not been for Jeff's skateboard.
As it were, I hit the skateboard which rolled me into the counter where my face unfortunately made contact with the waffle maker we had just been using that had not yet cooled off. I now have a very distinctive waffle patterned burn on my left forehead. There is just no way I can face the public until it heals.
I hope you understand. And don't worry, I have already banned scrabble on work nights so that this won't happen again.
Winner: Taylorvillegirl (@GirlyBitzGirl)
Reason: This is exactly the kind of long, drawn-out excuse that pushed our boss into implementing an automated system.

6 comments:

notgordian said...

Dear Mr. Heathcliff,

It is with great regret that I write to inform you that I will be unable to make it to work today. Unfortunately, I was shanghaied by a group of unruly vagabonds on my way home from work yesterday. After beating me within an inch of my life, they deftly tied me up and threw me into the floor of their van. I woke up some time later in a bi-plane, still trussed up.

The airplane landed in a remote savanna. My faceless captors tossed me out and flew off without another word. Hungry, beaten and tired, I faded in and out of consciousness until the sound of a cowbell caught my attention. Shouting for help, a passing goatherd untied me, peppering me with questions in a strange, unfamiliar tongue. Thankfully, he was carrying an English dictionary, so I was able to explain my plight.

I know how much you value punctuality, so my first priority was to find a computer so that I could write this email to you. I will, of course, make every effort to be on time for work tomorrow. Fries don't cook themselves, after all.

Tom said...

Waking up sick, not being able to get both feet on the floor, the wife gave me a cowbell to ring if I needed anything. My stomach felt like I was flying in a circus airplane, making the loops and dives. The warm broth the wife gave me I just knew was about to back up my throat and spill out onto the bed.

Honey, I said, get on the internet ans send the office a email saying I will not be in today , tell them I have Virus Interioutis, and won't be in. No, I can't spell Interious, look it up in the dictionary, and hand me the waste basket..

Angel Zapata said...

Last night, I was reading the dictionary and discovered the word, Hypochondriac. This morning I feel like an airplane dropped on my head and there’s this terrible cowbell ringing in my right ear. To top it all off, my back went out again, so I had to sleep on the floor. I’ll be in tomorrow morning if I live through the night.

C. Beth said...

D'oh!! I didn't use floor! Okay, here we go AGAIN.

On the airplane, I got a sickness so rare--
Got a dictionary? You won't find it there.
I'm on the floor, for sure,
With a fever. The cure
Is MORE COWBELL!!! (Not like you care.)

Taylorvillegirl said...

I really hate to do this to you, but I can't make it into work today. You are never going to believe what happened.
So, last night Jeff and I are playing scrabble and he plays the word 'cowbell'. And that reminds me of the time my cousin Ollie chased me around the farm with a cowbell, trying to get me to run into some cow patties.
Then that reminded me of the time my other cousin Ernest tried to stuff me in the pig trough because I made fun of his lisp.
Then Jeff says I'm such a hillbilly and I say no and he says 'oh yeah?'
and I say 'yeah'
and he says 'if you look up the word hillbilly in the dictionary, there would be your family tree - all one branch of it'
and I say 'haha at least my family has character' and well the argument just continued until he got fed up with it and decided to airplane me.
You know, lift me up on his feet and fly me like an airplane?
But, he wasn't really paying attention and lost his grip. And that's when I went flying facefirst into the floor. I would've hit the floor and probably knocked myself out had it not been for Jeff's skateboard.
As it were, I hit the skateboard which rolled me into the counter where my face unfortunately made contact with the waffle maker we had just been using that had not yet cooled off. I now have a very distinctive waffle patterned burn on my left forehead. There is just no way I can face the public until it heals.
I hope you understand. And don't worry, I have already banned scrabble on work nights so that this won't happen again.

InspiredDreamer said...

The dictionary
calls licking airplane floors bad:
Cowbells have less germs.

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