Man Jailed For Eating Rare TigerWhat happened?
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We Have A Winner!!! 01/05/10
I was going to post a witty comment about how it is illegal to eat rare tiger, because it should at least be cooked to medium. But then I saw the comment above me and immediately felt defeated.Winner: Jessica (@poisongrl)
Reason: Don't doubt yourself. That's FUNNY!
5 comments:
It was all the womans fault. It has been since the dawn of time. Check out Genesis, Adam, Eve, apple. Know what I'm saying?
Yeah.
Women.
Anyway, the wife decides that she wants a fur coat. Fur? In this day and age? I know why, of course, it's because I gave the girlfriend one, and she wants a better one, because she's the wife, not just the shagpiece. Yeah, well, if she put out more often, then I wouldn't need a bit on the side.
Anyway, the wife decides she wants this fur coat. She wants a white one. What? Does she think I'm made of money? Has she any idea how much more than one woman costs to run? I mean, she has her Daddy's money, which, lets face it, is why I married her. It wasn't for her looks - have you seen her?
Anyway, the wife decides she wants this fur coat. So we go to get one. She can't find one she likes. "A real man..." she simpers "a real man would hunt and skin me a real white tiger, to show his love for me." Oh would he now? Well apparently he would. Now I'm as real as the next man, but I'm a city lad. I like fine wines, restaurant dining, and attractive blondes. Or brunettes. Or red heads. I'm not colourist. I am simply a gift to the ladies I please.
Anyway, the wife decides she wants this fur coat. So I go to the zoo, and they've got a white tiger. So I shoot it. I mean, it's there for the taking right? It's handy she wants a white one to be honest, because I'm not a good shot in the dark, and this thing glows like a lighthouse. But it's heavy. It is so damn heavy. I have to see my personal trainer more. She's a pretty little thing, and fond of the old 'horizontal jogging' if you follow my thinking. Obviously the wife and girlfriend don't know - how stupid do you think I am?
Anyway, the wife decides she wants this fur coat. I'm there, in the enclosure, with a dead white tiger. My options are limited. So I skin the tiger (summer camp when I was 12 taught me all I need to know!) and there I am, left with a carcass. The sun is looking like it's going to rise, and I have to hide this thing. I stick the pelt in my rucksack, and look at what's left. It's massive. Seriously. So there's only one option. I carve it up. (chef school taught me all I need to know - and the waitresses...... oh my. Those little perky skirts....) And I don't keep it for myself. Oh no. I'm not selfish. Nu-huh. I give it to the other animals. I care about animals, I do.
Anyway, so the wife decides she wants this fur coat, and now I've got her one. Oh, so it's going to need a bit of work, but it'll be fine. The carcass has been consumed by the hungry other animals, however, well, there's a bit left. Now, I'm not going to be crude here - I'm a suave and sophisticated guy - but there's a certain part of a tiger that reaches the parts others don't, if you follow me. And some days my old chap could do with a little lift. He gets a *lot* of work! So yeah, I took the tigers manhood (manhood? For a tiger? Surely tigerhood?) fried it, and ate it.
Anyway, the wife has a fur coat, the animals all got fed, and I am ready to ROCK the world of some lucky, lucky lady. Or ladies.
I don't see what everyone's problem is!
I was going to post a witty comment about how it is illegal to eat rare tiger, because it should at least be cooked to medium. But then I saw the comment above me and immediately felt defeated.
"Mmm," she said, "this is great!
Yes, ten out of ten it does rate.
Allow me to share
Why this Tiger is rare--
This Tiger has only one mate."
It was not a cat
but a manuscript he ate;
a first edition.
It was eat or be eaten. The tiger would have been killed anyway.
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