So I have this friend... She's been "happily" married for some time but recently she keeps dreaming about an ex-boyfriend from high school. Other than a couple of emails over the years, she hasn't been in touch with him since graduation. Still, she dreams about him at least once a week and they aren't innocent, platonic dreams. How do you suggest she puts him out of her mind?
We Have A Winner!!! 02/20/10
I've been there. My morally superior sister said to sever the psychic connection, because she thought by dreaming of my ex I was cheating on my husband.Winner: Coppertop (Her blog is full of her writing - I got lost for awhile reading it. Check it out!)
Instead, I wrote. A lot. In fact, I wrote a poem about one of the most frequently recurring dreams (called SYNESTHESIAN SAGE). I also wrote some pretty sweet sex scenes. Might as well use inner turmoil to further your creativity.
SYNESTHESIAN SAGE
Dreams never have music in them, do they?
The park bench dream fills my head though, fills my ears, fills my muscle and bone with sounds.
No music; just insect purr.
I'm barefoot walking one of the two clear hardpan tracks of the dirt road.
The park bench is black curved metal.
Ten feet from the road through tall grass there's the smooth bench warm in the sun.
No music; just raven wings.
Vibrations pulse, press, beat from life teeming in the sky in the trees in the grass in the ground.
Dreams carry smells (memory joggers) in them.
Sage is the smell is the sound of this dream, the sage I've crushed under my bare feet, the sage my feet swing over while I'm on the park bench in the sun, waiting.
It's the music.
Music carries the body - have you ever noticed? - draws the breath, holds the breath, makes the heart beat in cacophonous riotous totally irreverent rythyms, changes your mood.
He sits by me; the birds sound louder.
His hand in mine is a sliding fingertip stroke on steel guitar strings, but he says nothing.
The air is deafening.
We couldn't talk if we wanted to over the din and the sage.
Reason: As much as I love music, I'd never noticed before that my dreams don't seem to have a traditional soundtrack. But those small details, the same that might sounds and smells that might remind you of someone (say, an ex?) always seem so much stronger.
7 comments:
I've been there. My morally superior sister said to sever the psychic connection, because she thought by dreaming of my ex I was cheating on my husband.
Instead, I wrote. A lot. In fact, I wrote a poem about one of the most frequently recurring dreams (called SYNESTHESIAN SAGE). I also wrote some pretty sweet sex scenes. Might as well use inner turmoil to further your creativity.
SYNESTHESIAN SAGE
Dreams never have music in them, do they?
The park bench dream fills my head though, fills my ears, fills my muscle and bone with sounds.
No music; just insect purr.
I'm barefoot walking one of the two clear hardpan tracks of the dirt road.
The park bench is black curved metal.
Ten feet from the road through tall grass there's the smooth bench warm in the sun.
No music; just raven wings.
Vibrations pulse, press, beat from life teeming in the sky in the trees in the grass in the ground.
Dreams carry smells (memory joggers) in them.
Sage is the smell is the sound of this dream, the sage I've crushed under my bare feet, the sage my feet swing over while I'm on the park bench in the sun, waiting.
It's the music.
Music carries the body - have you ever noticed? - draws the breath, holds the breath, makes the heart beat in cacophonous riotous totally irreverent rythyms, changes your mood.
He sits by me; the birds sound louder.
His hand in mine is a sliding fingertip stroke on steel guitar strings, but he says nothing.
The air is deafening.
We couldn't talk if we wanted to over the din and the sage.
I'd suggest to 'Happily Married' that it's not necessarily the ex that she misses, but the excitement and adventure she might've had with him. Marriage can get a little hum-drum sometimes. Maybe she should try to be a little more adventurous and spontaneous with her spouse. He might surprise her!
So this friend needs a serious adjustment. She needs to consider what she wants from life and if what she missed out on is on that list. If she is just not happy, then the most important step is figuring out what she would LOSE if she risked following these feelings for the the high school dude.
She should tell her husband about the role he plays in her dreams. That should end things, one way or another.
If she thinks about it, it'll just happen more.
Could it be that her marriage is kind of a bore?
The dreams shouldn't be
Her focus, you see--
Work on the marriage. See what's in store.
Think of him as if he is your bratty kid brother.
Cure-all: Stalk him on Facebook and check out a recent photo of his bald head and beer belly.
Or, you know, act out the sexy dreams with your husband. He might replace the ex in those night-gasms.
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