Measuring Up

So I Have This Friend: Give your best advice to this friend.

So I have this friend... Somehow she never feels like she measures up to the people around her. What advice can I give her that will help her feel better?

We Have A Winner!!! 05/25/10

My advice? Stop measuring yourself against others. Instead, focus on making the best choices you can each day. Measure only against yourself. Was today better than yesterday?

I'm reminded of my favorite Maya Angelou quote:

"You did the best you could. And when you knew better, you did better."

Being your best doesn't mean being better than others!

Winner: Eternal Lizdom
Reason: Thank you, Liz, for your very realistic answer. Plus, anything with a Maya Angelou quote is alright by me.

No Cake?

So I Have This Friend: Give your best advice to this friend.

So I have this friend... At her wedding reception next month, she has decided to not have a cake. Instead, there will be fresh fruit and cookies. Could you address my concerns about the legality of this idea and whether or not it will have any bearing on if she is properly married?

05/07/10 - Another day with 4 great responses, just short of the 5 response minimum. No winner. But I love those of you who play so faithfully.

Tax Fraud

So I Have This Friend: Give your best advice to this friend.

So I have this friend... She just bragged to me about a bunch of ways she cheated on her taxes last week in order to receive a big refund. What, if anything, should she do?

05/07/10 - No winner on this due to lack of response.

Sitter

So I Have This Friend: Give your best advice to this friend.

So I have this friend... He's hired a cat-sitter while he's away on vacation but he suspects the sitter isn't stopping in to take care of the cats every day. Without staying glued to his security cameras online (because the point is to enjoy his vacation), what do you suggest he do to make sure his pets are being properly cared for?

No worries for my kitties while I'm away but it made me think "what if..."

We Have A Winner!!! 04/28/10

Hire a cat-sitter-sitter. Or, save half the money and hire a kid (one whose parent's encourage responsibility) to sit the cats. You get a two-fer. The parent's will make more of a point to make sure the kid is doing his/her job.

Winner: Ryan Ashley Scott (@ryanashleyscott)
Reason: A cat-sitter-sitter. There really IS a job for everyone.

Neighborhood Watch

So I Have This Friend: Give your best advice to this friend.

So I have this married friend... Her neighbor is extremely hot and often runs through the neighborhood, occasionally shirtless. What kind of excuses can she make up to be in a decent viewing position? Also, any way to subconsciously influence him to remove his shirt more frequently?

Totally a hypothetical situation, folks.

We Have A Winner!!! 04/26/10

"Oh wow. Did I spray you with my hose-pipe again. Sorry about that."

Winner: davidseven
Reason: Hmm, this response just may work. It addresses both the need to be in the yard AND the shirt removal. I'll be sure to pass it along to me, umm, friend.

Bedrest

So I Have This Friend: Give your best advice to this friend.

So I have this friend... She is stuck basically on bedrest for most days. She is absolutely through with television. What book, DVD, or other creative idea would you suggest to her to help pass the time and keep from going crazier than she already is?

Thanks to Bethany for today's cue!

We Have A Winner!!! 03/29/10

I cannot imagine being stuck on bedrest, but if I were, the first thing I would turn to would be audio books, unabridged audio books. If my friend had the same taste I do, I would suggest the Mitford Series by Jan Karon, all of them, in order, and only the unabridged ones. Then, The Lovely Bones, by Alice Sebold, which is the most amazing book I have ever read. And then on to the crime stories I love so much - too many to suggest here. Throw in some Stephen King and some Maeve Binchy - yes, I have conflicting tastes : ) Since I am usually a multi-tasker, I would also suggest knitting, crocheting, making cards, scrapbooking, taking courses on line, teaching myself some software so I could become an expert and teach it on line, learning and using photo manipulation software. Many of the crafts that can be done on bedrest (like the knitting/crocheting) can be donated to very worthy causes when they start to pile up : ) Some light exercise while in bed would be a good use of time too, if it's possible.

Winner: B, as posted on her blog
Reason: Since this was Bethany's cue, I let her choose the winner. She chose B because "she is the only one that mentioned that even on bedrest you can do crafts that can be donated to charity which is an awesome idea to still feel useful when limited in what you can do, who suggested audio books, and who suggested taking an online course."

College Major

So I Have This Friend: Give your best advice to this friend.

So I have this friend... He's choosing colleges and declaring a major. What field would you recommend he study that will be vital for the next generation?

We Have A Winner!!! 03/19/10

Finance, with a minor in one of the humanities.

The first because it's a specific skill set that's applicable in a variety of careers and jobs. The second because it's what turns you into an educated person as it teaches you how to learn. If you learn how to learn, think critically, think creatively, you can do well at any job.

Winner: TMC @ Return to Rural (@returntorural)
Reason: Her answer makes a lot of sense. Really, any major that teaches you "how to lear, think critically, think creatively" is a great choice.

Tattoo

So I Have This Friend: Give your best advice to this friend.

So I have this friend... Her name is TMC and she blogs over at Return to Rural. Recently, she's posted about the new tattoo she's having created on her back. If you were to have something tattooed on your body (let's imagine it's free, both in regards to cash and pain), what would it be and where?

We Have A Winner!!! 03/14/10

I'd tattoo eyeballs on my eyelids so I could sleep at my desk and no one would know!

Winner: Eternal Lizdom
Reason: Sounds very useful! Not to mention very painful.

Rock Band

So I Have This Friend: Give your best advice to this friend.

So I have this friend... He dreams of some day becoming a star with his neighborhood garage band. He thinks the only thing holding them back is a great name. What would you suggest?

We Have A Winner!!! 03/09/10

"The More You Drink the Better We Sound"

Winner: Inspired Dreamer
Reason: I think that's true of most bands. But definitely THIS one.

Participants Requested!

So I Have This Friend: Give your best advice to this friend.

So I have this friend... She runs this blog that posts daily cues. Maybe you've heard of it? Despite a good number of daily visitors (even on the worst day) and over 80 followers, 4 of the last 7 days don't even have 5 participants each. She's tried giving away wildcard awards, she's tried giving out money. While traffic spiked, participation did not. She wants your honest feedback - what would you suggest?

We Have A Winner (sorta)!!! 02/26/10
Winner: Me! And you! And the blog!
Reason: Thank you all for your fantastic feedback. I'm putting some of your ideas into place immediately and some are going to take a bit more thinking. I've been feeling a bit burnt out, to be honest, and really want to up the participation levels to make it more fun for everyone involved. Look for details to come. And thanks for being loyal and awesome!

Dreaming of the Ex

So I Have This Friend: Give your best advice to this friend.

So I have this friend... She's been "happily" married for some time but recently she keeps dreaming about an ex-boyfriend from high school. Other than a couple of emails over the years, she hasn't been in touch with him since graduation. Still, she dreams about him at least once a week and they aren't innocent, platonic dreams. How do you suggest she puts him out of her mind?

We Have A Winner!!! 02/20/10

I've been there. My morally superior sister said to sever the psychic connection, because she thought by dreaming of my ex I was cheating on my husband.

Instead, I wrote. A lot. In fact, I wrote a poem about one of the most frequently recurring dreams (called SYNESTHESIAN SAGE). I also wrote some pretty sweet sex scenes. Might as well use inner turmoil to further your creativity.

SYNESTHESIAN SAGE
Dreams never have music in them, do they?
The park bench dream fills my head though, fills my ears, fills my muscle and bone with sounds.
No music; just insect purr.
I'm barefoot walking one of the two clear hardpan tracks of the dirt road.

The park bench is black curved metal.
Ten feet from the road through tall grass there's the smooth bench warm in the sun.
No music; just raven wings.
Vibrations pulse, press, beat from life teeming in the sky in the trees in the grass in the ground.

Dreams carry smells (memory joggers) in them.
Sage is the smell is the sound of this dream, the sage I've crushed under my bare feet, the sage my feet swing over while I'm on the park bench in the sun, waiting.
It's the music.
Music carries the body - have you ever noticed? - draws the breath, holds the breath, makes the heart beat in cacophonous riotous totally irreverent rythyms, changes your mood.

He sits by me; the birds sound louder.
His hand in mine is a sliding fingertip stroke on steel guitar strings, but he says nothing.
The air is deafening.
We couldn't talk if we wanted to over the din and the sage.

Winner: Coppertop (Her blog is full of her writing - I got lost for awhile reading it. Check it out!)
Reason: As much as I love music, I'd never noticed before that my dreams don't seem to have a traditional soundtrack. But those small details, the same that might sounds and smells that might remind you of someone (say, an ex?) always seem so much stronger.

Matchmaker

So I Have This Friend: Give your best advice to this friend.

So I have this friend... Roy has a great working relationship with his coworkers, especially his boss. The problem is that his boss keeps trying to set Roy up with his daughter. The boss's daughter is twenty years younger than Roy and he's certain it could only end in disaster. How does he tell the boss to stop the match-making?

02/20: As of this date, there were only two responses to this cue so no winner will be named. Thanks to Beth and Angel for responding.

Gaming Husband

So I Have This Friend: Give your best advice to this friend.

So I have this friend... Her husband works long hours and insists on "unwinding" when he comes home by playing video games until bedtime. When she calls him to the table for dinner, he gulps down his food so he can return to "relaxing after a stressful day". As a result, she feels their relationship is suffering. How can she get his attention?

We Have a Winner!!! 02/09/10

The wife should dress up as his favorite gaming system and suggest "unwinding" with her.

Winner: Isabella
Reason: Dirty!!!

Internet Dating

So I Have This Friend: Give your best advice to this friend.

So I have this friend... She's been chatting with this guy she met online and they get along really well. They've even talked on the phone. He'd like to meet in person for a drink. The issue? She may have fibbed just a bit about her appearance. Like a decade of years and a couple dozen pounds. What should she do?

We Have A Winner!!! 01/29/10

Call ahead, and say, "I'll be late.
So have a few drinks while you wait!"
A strong shot (or ten)
Before you walk in
Will ensure, in his eyes, you look great.

Winner: C. Beth (@cbethblog)
Reason: It just might work...

Hostess

So I Have This Friend: Give your best advice to this friend.

So I have this friend... Her neighbor keeps inviting them over for dinner but she's a horrible cook. It's not just that the food isn't tasty but she's also been served undercooked chicken and moldy bread. She's tried to politely turn down the invitations or invite the neighbors to her house but they insist that they live to host. What should she do?

We Have A Winner!!! 01/25/10

1. Accept the next invitation.
2. Bring her purse.
3. Hide at least three cans of soup in said purse.
4. After every course, she should excuse herself to use the washroom, bringing said purse and said cans of soup with her.
5. Dump one can of soup into the toilet each trip to the bathroom. Accompanying this with loud retching sounds optional.
6. When asked if she's feeling okay, insist that she's fine and really enjoying the meal.
7. Repeat steps 4 through 6 until host sends her home.

If she ever gets another invite after that, there truly is no hope. She'll just have to pretend that she's gone both deaf and blind every time she sees them.

Winner: Marc
Reason: Very creative handling of the situation. I feel a bit bad over the wasting of soup though so maybe you could make sure it's something gross like split pea.

Daddy Dearest

So I Have This Friend: Give your best advice to this friend.

So I have this friend... His wife has accused him of visiting "inappropriate" websites on their computer but he knows it was actually his father-in-law that did it based on the timing. His wife will never believe that her father did such a thing. How does he get himself out of hot water without causing an even bigger situation?

We Have A Winner! 01/17/10

Always, always, always- blame the children.

Winner: Sarah @ My Drunk Monkeys
Reason: This is why we need to have children.

Keys

So I Have This Friend: Give your best advice to this friend.

So I have this friend... She partied a little too hard last night on New Year's Eve and can't seem to remember where she left her keys. Any ideas?

We Have A Winner!! 01/08/10

Well, the only option I have found that worked on a regular basis was to party hard again.

This is factual, and based up on my experience of a pub that I could never find when I lived in Derby, unless I had been drinking. One evening, we went out, we went drinking, we went to said pub, and life was good. The next morning I discovered that I had left my leather jacket at this mysterious pub. I loved that jacket. I scoured the city for the pub. In the end, I went to the Dolphin, had 5 pints, left the Dolphin, found the pub, had another couple and rolled home, with my jacket!

It's not a plan that works for everyone......

Winner: s'me
Reason: It's hard to argue with factual evidence.

Imaginary Friend

So I Have This Friend: Give your best advice to this friend.

So I have this friend... Growing up, she didn't have many friends nearby so she used her imagination to create friends. She's now thirty and recently confided in me that she still talks to her imaginary friends. Is this normal? What should I tell her?

P.S. Merry Christmas to my friends out there who are celebrating today!

Winner Time! 01/02/10

Listen, I've been meaning to talk to you about your imaginary friend for quite some time now. At first I thought it was harmless and that it would pass. Until now.

This has become a much more serious issue and I'm afraid it must be dealt with. How serious? It interrupts my work day. It interferes with my meals. It keeps me awake at night. It even gets in the way of "intimate moments".

You see, now your friend is talking to me!

Winner: Hank
Reason: If the imaginary friend is now talking to others, it's beyond time to take action.

Secret Santa

So I Have This Friend: Give your best advice to this friend.

So I have this friend... He needs to buy a holiday gift for his boss with a limit of $20. It's widely known that his boss is an incompetent jerk and everybody else was relieved that they didn't draw his name for Secret Santa. Any suggestions?

Winner Winner Chicken Dinner 12/30/09

Just go to Target:
A Digital Photo Frame
(with the instructions).

Winner: Inspired Dreamer
Reason: This was fictional but my boss is a Computer Services manager. The idea of specifically making sure the tech gift comes with instructions won me over.

Escape Kitty

So I Have This Friend: Give your best advice to this friend.

So I have this friend... Despite feeling slighted that her future in-laws refused to include her on the family vacation, she offered to take care of their cat while they were all away. However, the cat darted out the door the very first time she went over to feed him. She searched and called kitty's name for hours but he has not returned. Everyone is due back from vacation tomorrow. What should she tell them?

P.S. This is a "replacement" category for Storytime. Let's give it a try and see how it goes. If you have a friend in need of advice, please submit it here.

We have a Winner! (12/19/09)

If your cat liked you,
He'd have come back already.
Try being nicer.

Winner: Inspired Dreamer
Reason: Short, sweet and to the point. And haiku!